Tuesday, December 4, 2007

My Daughter, the Anarcho-Capitalist

I've mentioned in the past that our five-year-old daughter has unusual thoughts on theology; that her writing displays a strong strain of Nihilistic Expressionism and predilections for surprise endings; that she has developed an interest in unencumbered human flight and airborne sheep rustling; and that she shows precocious talent in siege warfare and battlefield deception.

Now come two pieces of evidence that we have a full-blown Anarcho-Capitalist on our hands.

Item 1: For the Pillowfight Fairy's fifth birthday, her grandparents got her a copy of the book Six By Seuss, which contains six of Dr. Seuss's classic books in one volume. One of these is The Lorax, which of course is an environmentalist fable.

So, in the clash of wills between the Once-ler and the Lorax, which side do you think she takes?

Yup, Thneeds. We all need them, you know. You really shouldn't try to stand in the way of progress. Not to mention that they come in such pretty colors!

She's mentioned to Mommy recently that she'd like to start learning how to knit at some point. This is probably because she thinks Thneeds are a really cool idea. Judging from the above sign, I think she may be considering starting up a business, environment be darned.

(I'm actually rather proud of that pun.)

Item 2: Now that we've established the Capitalist side of our little tyke, here's where we get evidence for the anarchist side. As part of her homeschooling, Mommy is giving her vocabulary words. Her job is to learn to spell them and then to write meaningful sentences that use them. One of today's vocabulary words was "blow".

Behold what emerged from the pencil of our sweet, precious little homeschooled darling:

You'll note, it's grammatically correct! We're so proud.

Good heavens.

Tonya, ever the optimist, thinks that this comes from the fact that most of her friends are boys. Frankly, I find that a little offensive. (She: "I grew up mostly around boys!" Me: "So did I.") I think this is proof of the doctrine of Original Sin. I also think it comes from her side of the family. (Except for the part about siege engines and battlefield deception--that's obviously me.)

We're trying to figure out a way of using her mental abilities for good, but this is going to stretch our mental resources. Maybe a career as a Demolitions expert? Or in Special Effects? Special Ops? Double agent? Counterrevolutionary? Illustrator of users' manuals for top-secret weaponry? Famous author of really depressing novels?

What do you think?


Misty said...


I think maybe you have the makings of the first conservative woman president :)

Chris said...


1) "knitting. . . environment be darned" It took me a minute to find it, but that is darned punny!

2) What spectacular grammar! Maybe she could consult with "24" or the next "Die Hard" movie.

http://baglady.dreamhosters.com said...

hmm..blow blow i will blow up the city. That is like terrorist poetry!

Rebecca said...

Get her a Knifty Knitter. She can thneed away to her heart's content, and at least it will keep her from blowing up the city!

Shauna said...


I was rather shocked when, not long after reading Follow the Drinking Gourd and other stories about abolition and the underground railroad, my 6-year-old daughter started play acting a scene from one of the books. Did she pretend to escape in the dead of night or hide people in her barn? Nope. While my in-laws were visiting from out of state, she started ordering her "slave" (my FIL) around and telling him to get out in the field and pick her some cotton. Not exactly what I expected her to take away from our discussions about liberty.

Shauna said...

Oh, and then of course there was the Turkey Incident. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with a little girl like this!

jugglingpaynes said...

You forgot pyrotechnics specialist. :o)
I loved your post! I've got a 5yo like that. Maybe it's the age...

Timothy Power said...


Yes--I just read your story about the turkeys, and that is exactly the kind of thing my 5-y.o. daughter would draw.

We have to keep an eye on her in social settings, lest she start ordering her "slaves" around too. She's the oldest, for one thing; and she inherited her parents' natural inward-directedness and other-worldliness in a strong double dose. So we all get the feeling sometimes that we're nothing more than pawns in her fantasies; we're nothing more than figments of her (rather wild) imagination.

Anonymous said...

You've got me in stitches!!! This is some funny stuff. Those darn kids!!!

I remember being dismayed one day when we went for a walk. My daughter was three. My son, two. We found a lady bug on the sidewalk. My daughter crouched down and said, "look at the pretty bug, mommy." My son said, 'YA!!!' and promptly stomped on it.

Ah, our darling children!

Homestead Mama
Love Learn Serve

greendarner said...

Your daughter is a HOOT!!

BTW for all the needleworked-challenged out there...darning is related to sewing not knitting. But still makes a pretty good pun.